hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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