Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
