at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
