I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
