homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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