# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
