is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
