I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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