Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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