dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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