you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
