I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
