FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
