just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
