I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
