Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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