Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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