I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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