i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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