dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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