I wish they made helmets for livers.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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