dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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