you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
