You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
