I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
