Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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