i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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