The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
