Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
