you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
