I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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