uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
