Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
