and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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