How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
