Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
