3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
