There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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