I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
