I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
