im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
