I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I know her cup size but not her name....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
