I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
