I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
