Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
