after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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