You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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