I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
