clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
