i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
