He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
