On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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