Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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