u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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