Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
