Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
