brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
