Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
