Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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