This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize