I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize