We're like a lot better than the average bears
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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