His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
