I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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