last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
