It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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