the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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