I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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