doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
