while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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